We're living in Toontown!

I got to thinking yesterday about hate radio and the truly lunatic-fringe messages it promulgates, and what came irresistably to mind was the image of Warner Brothers' Tasmanian Devil. The dialogue coming out of a Rush Limbaugh or Michael Savage's microphone is basically just as coherent as "GROWLSNARLDROOLSNAPGROWLSNARL." Right wing talk radio makes as much sense as if their "commentators" had just chewed through the leather straps and escaped out the window before getting their daily dose of Thorazine.

Like the Tasmanian Devil, their snarling embodies pure, organic, causeless rage, unending greed, and ceaseless appetite. And like the Tasmanian Devil, every so often, a Bugs Bunny comes along to thwart them with a sly bit of redirection and ridicule, thereby exponentially increasing their maniacal rage. The Bugs Bunny in this scenario - definitely Bill Clinton. No one is better at tying the Tasmanian Devils into knots by using their own greed against them, and no one makes them froth at the mouth with greater intensity.

The Republicans used to be the party of fiscal responsibility, prudent defense, and social conservatism. Now, goaded by the frothing of the Tasmanian Devils on the airwaves, they've begun to believe that mindless hatred, greed, and insatiable appetites should be their defining characteristics. Walk softly and carry a big stick has become shout loudly and terrorize anyone who dares to dissent. The party of Lincoln has morphed into the party of Nero.

In this twisted Toontown world, the parallel between Bush and Daffy Duck is unmistakable - spluttering, swaggering, idiocy (he has a bit of Yosemite Sam, but sorry, Shrub, you're Daffy all right). Cheney is Elmer Fudd - forever on the edge of inappropriate violence. And Tom Delay has definitely started to resemble Foghorn Leghorn.

Oh, and speaking of Foghorn Leghorn - remember the little fellow that frustrated him at every turn, the scrappy, mouthy little Henery Hawk that eternally put him in his place after being underestimated? Governor Dean, I'm talking about you.

Kerry's lack of success may have something to do with his unescapable similarity to Droopy Dog. I mean, who wants the leader of the free world to forever look as though he's just lost his best friend?

Here's some personality rundowns. Now tell me these resemblances aren't uncanny!

Tasmanian Devil ("OOH, Taz, your BREATH!")
Characteristics: Frenzied, inchoate, mindless rage, greed, hunger. Loud and completely incoherent. Suggested professions: AM radio talk-show host.

Daffy Duck
Characteristics: Hysteric. Braggart. Insecure. Greedy. Jealous. Bugs Bunny wannabe. Dismal failure at every get-rich-quick scheme or business venture. Challenges: Speech impediment. Suggested profession: corporate shill.

Elmer Fudd
(is it just me, or does that look exactly like the picture of Cheney at the very solemn Auschwitz memorial, surrounded by people somberly clad in black overcoats?)

Characteristics: Obsessive, befuddled, propensity toward violence. Secret desire for Bugs Bunny, as shown in the number of times they've married onscreen. Suggested professions: taxidermist, animal control, NRA lobbyist

Foghorn Leghorn
Characteristics: Blow-hard, opinionated, ignorant, loud, racist. Convinced (mistakenly) that chicks dig him. Bad comb-over (ooh, that pun even made ME wince). Suggested professions: circus barker, lobbyist, Grand Wizard

Bugs Bunny
The perennial adolescent, the little boy who wouldn't grow up. The charmer, the deceiver, the guy you wouldn't want to date your sister. Always with the smart mouth. Uses his wits and clever redirection to get out of a jam. Knows how to laugh at himself but prefers to laugh at others. Sometimes uses his carrot in inappropropriate manner. Suggested professions: politician, lawyer.

Yosemite Sam ("I knows those weapons of mass distraction wuz around here sumwhar!")
Characteristics: Bull-headed, single-minded, enthusiastic, not the brightest porch light on the block.

Droopy Dog
Characteristics: Lugubrious, terrifyingly long-faced. Suggested professions: funeral director.

Henery Hawk
Characteristics: Brave, self-confident, invariably kicks Foghorn Leghorn's butt despite Foghorn's huge size advantage. Suggested professions: DNC chair, scourge of the right wing.

Oh, and Dobson, Falwell, Robertson, and the other whackjobs amongst the ConCINOs? Marvin the Martian, of course.
Characteristics: Characteristics: sociopath, megalomaniac, homophobic, delusions of grandeur. Tendency to attack inappropriate targets (such as cartoon sponges and Teletubbies). Suggested profession: asylum inmate, television preacher.